Walking away is not a failure. I wanted to write something off topic and a little more vulnerable. I have experienced this exact feeling just this past month. I made a decision that I don't regret at all and that I am happy and at peace with. Yet deep down that "f" word still holds a speaking voice in my head. You know; FAILURE.
Thank goodness I have a great coach who I am open and honest with about everything and she was the first one to remind me that walking away from something is not failing, it's creating a path to something better. Yes, I am walking away from competing this year in Figure. Truth be told, my body was not responding to training or diet. There comes a point where the decision needs to be made on how much are you willing to sacrifice ? For me, this year is not the right time.
I made the mistake in my off season to not follow the proper off season requirements and just keep training hard. Well when you do that your body is already adapted, which makes an overload so much harder. Instead of beating my self up about it, I decided to just walk away from the stage. It's ok, it will always be there.
But now here comes the emotional side of things. The "what if" side of things. I worked my butt off for 20 weeks and minimal changes happened in comparison to the "stage world". On the outside to a normal person I look great but for the talent on the stage, major efforts and sacrifices would need to be made. For once I made a decision that was coming from a place of reason instead of reaction.
I am taking this time to fix my metabolism, enjoy training for strength, focusing on helping other in their fitness journey and embarking on a time where I can learn to enjoy life. I have had a past of a lot of struggle with body image, disordered eating and extreme overtraining. My mind and body need a break and now that I am turning 28 next week, its time for me to take care of me.
So what are my goals? I am competing in a power lifting competition on September 9 and a CrossFit competition on October 1. I am focusing on training and eating and nourishing my body. I also am working with a mentor on learning how to coach athletes better, all good things are happening ! Stay tuned for updates and thanks for always reading these blogs