Hey guys !
So I have been having a lot of things on my mind that I wanted to just express because I feel a lot of women go through this same struggle. The struggle between the scale, the mirror and our minds. There is a constant battle between what I see and what I "want" to see. Of course I know that what we want to see is VAGUELY different from what we see in the mirror in our own perspective. For me the battle is daily.. no let's be really honest, it's a factor that is on my mind 24/7. It's a hard thing but something that I feel a lot of us women struggle with, or at least I hope there's one of you out there that understands this too!!
This issue is one that really rules a lot of my life. Right now, being that I am getting ready to compete in the summer, I have a mental game and battle with myself that I know is the cause of a lot of stress and anxiety. Always chasing a number on the scale, getting upset if I'm up just a few pounds and just critiquing my body in ways that I would never talk to another person. It's a downfall and something that I have been working on. Self-Love is hard. It is my BIGGEST downfall yet biggest asset. For me MY personal goal is to help others live a healthy life of self love and to really show them how worth it they are. Using my personal experience, I don't want anyone to feel like I feel about myself so I will do whatever it takes to make sure people see their beauty as I learn to find mine.
Issue number 2 that I have been facing is with wanting the best of both worlds. Yes it's really really hard to see yourself in two different ways as your getting ready for a show or just working out in general. Society has really made a point to confuse women that skinny is necessary for success. However, that is very untrue and upsetting to know that this has been imprinted in my mind and the minds of others. I fall into that trap where I want to be STRONG! Lift heavy things, not care about what others say and just do me. But then I start to think .,.. no I want to be skinny, I want to fit in but I also want to be strong... so which is it? In order for me to lift like a boss, I need to be aesthetically bigger and not fear the "size". It's a constant battle of skinny vs. strong vs. just being happy with what I am today !
Now thinking through all of this, the root of it is not a fear of looking good, its a fear of not being "enough". For me, I am dedicated to what I do both in the gym and helping people. My life is constant reminders helping others and pouring into their lives to help them achieve their goals. Sometimes I forget that I need a little bit of encouragement as well. Lucky for me I have a few close friends who are there for me thick and thin for reminders of how far I have come and where I am going! It's the times of doubt that get lonely and dark in my mind which is where you will find me at the gym just getting it all out!
So in a nut shell regardless of what society thinks, which is what is holding me back, I am STRONG, I want to look and be as strong as I am. Fearing opinions is like hoping that tomorrow doesn't come. Regardless you will embrace emotions everyday of people who like, dislike, and some who support your journey. Remember to stay positive, focused and continually chasing your dreams for you!!