Saturday, December 12, 2015

There's nothing wrong with you .... or me

Hey everyone,

So here's a bit of a confession, there are days that just seem like I have 1 million thoughts without any direction. I tend to be scatter minded, want one thing one second and another in the blink of an eye. Too many times I find myself on that road of doubt and insecurity. That needs to stop ! Whenever things start going in a good place, I find a way to add worry, stress and doubt to help "prepare" for the worst. So instead of just thinking of all the great and amazing things that can happen, I tend to get buried in a world of fear. I have a TON of fears, starting with with fear of failure. Sure many people don't like to fail however, I am so extremely hard on myself that I am almost always over whelmed with that fear.

Fear of failure, fear of disappointment and fear of not being accepted. Those three things are what prevent me from moving forward on many things. Failure is hard for anyone, but prevention of failure is almost counterproductive to life. See I wont try or do something out of fear, and that is good and bad. Fear is debilitating. It's controlling and sometimes fill my mind with uncertainty. I put on a good face. I try to make the outside seem great when deep inside I have fears and insecurities that overtake my mind, soul and wellbeing. Not many people understand the dark places your mind can take you until you get there. You will never want to be alone in your head again yet doubt creeps in if you can't learn to control your thoughts.

Fear of disappointment is another fear that goes along with failure. Of course if you fail you just disappointed someone, and most likely that person is you. Ask yourself : Who do you do things for ? Are you really trying to feel like you belong ? Do you really want to fit in? I am learning this as the days go by that my opinion of myself is all that SHOULD matter and that I will not disappoint anyone. Hard part is that I am my own worst critic therefore I tend to hold my fear of disappointment very high and not wanting to disappoint myself. Silly I know. It sounds odd when I say it outloud but that is how my mind works. I am hard on myself because I don't want to fail and I want to be accepted.

Now moving on to the acceptance part. Everyone in life has a place. There is beauty in everything. I wish I believed that.... I have a hard time with feeling accepted. I always feel like the outsider and the black sheep of the group. I am an introvert and I tend to stay to myself. I don't like feeling like  I am bothering others and once again this loops into the fear of disappointing someone else and feeling like a failure to them. Funny how all of these things go together.

I made a promise that I would help others. I would help people get healthy and strong on the outside and inside. I want to help others so living life everyone would feel accepted and loved. This is why I chose the path I have chosen as a coach. I want to help others. Be a mentor and friend. Most importantly I want each person to feel and know they are worth everything they are right now at this very moment!!!

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