I am making this a journal for everyone to follow my journey in fitness, life, and to help as many people along on their journey through finding themselves again. I get asked the question of where my motivation for training comes from?? For me this is an easy answer in my head but hard to explain to others. In order for me to be able to express my passion you must know where it comes from. For me training is my out.. my quiet time... my safe place. For all of you that know a little of my past, I had/ have many disordered thoughts around food, body image and self esteem. Dealing with everything from eating disorders, body dysmorphia and and low self esteem, I used fitness as a way to battle all of that. If you know someone who ever dealt with any of these issues, you understand the extreme stress, anxiety and sad place it can be.
Training is a way to just zone out of life. I used it as a place of comfort in the mess I created in my mind. I found my passion for feeling powerful, lifting heavy weights, and feeling a sense of accomplishment in the gym. My training will always be my safe place.... a place that I feel confident, strong, determined and proud to be me. There is that deep desire to just lift till I can't feel anything and that's where it stems from. Through my passion I want to help others feel confident without having to deal with the struggles that I faced to get there. Everyday is a battle that I must overcome. Everyday is me vs. me and there sometimes is no winner as I fight tooth and nail to survive. Just hearing these words might help someone who feels like they are lost in their journey. I want to help inspire others.
The truth is, I want to be able to impact people through learning how to live a healthy life. You are capable of more than you can ever know if you allow yourself to be. Training, lifting, dieting and being on stage is what I love because of the feeling I get from it. When I train, life stops, when I step on stage my confidence just beams out and I feel unstoppable. If I can bottle that feeling I would. I know that I was placed in a position in life to help people. To help others understand that they are worth more than what they think. To empower people to try to do things they never imagined they were capable of doing. It's a passion to really be in relationships and see the changes people go through.
If you are ever in a position that you feel you need something more, just look where your mind wanders to. You are more than numbers on a scale. You are more than what the media portrays. You have the ability to change your life if you let yourself be amazing.
I hope you can see that even those who appear strong, struggle. I want others to hear my story so I might be able to help someone else. I want to change the mindset of people through overcoming the mental battle, the internal struggles and to face the inner demons they hold tight. It's time to let go. It's time to learn to accept that you are worthy of everything in life. It's time for you to take hold of your dreams and passions and make it a reality!!